Pretend I'm in an outpost somwhere!

Work has me swamped right now, so unfortunately there hasn't been enough time to go dancing and attract some trouble worth blogging about. Pretend I'm in an outpost somewhere and my internet is being supplied with a piece of string and some eletric shocks.

I did dance a little this weekend, and was pleasantly surprised by two things:

1) My acceptance as a leader in the community is growing; women ask me on a semi-regular basis if I'm "dancing this one". I'm gratified and relieved that people no longer take it for a science experiment and accept me as one of the leaders they can choose from, the same as anyone. That...that's a very special feeling. It's the "let's dance TWO tandas" feeling.

2) My progress as a follower is...well, let's put it this way. I have a pair of suede heels that I am only recently wearing. I wore them out dancing for maybe an hour this weekend. When i got home, the nap was already worn down on the instep of the ball of the foot, and the scuffs on the bottoms of the shoes were two concentric circles, one under the big toe, one on the instep of the ball of the foot. I only remember listening for the lead and trying to stay on balance; according to my shoes, my technique is coming along on its own.

I could have cried with joy, you guys. I'm not totally hopeless as a follower! Feel the magic of totally ruining my shoes in a single night! Feel it!

Oh no he didn't!

So I had another post all planned out for today, but then this happened and I wanted to write about it because HAHAHAHAH oh my GOD.

I'm leading more than following these days (I know, I know, contain your shock). As I go along, I'm discovering all the tiny adjustments that I need to make for each follower for maximum dance enjoyment. One of my favorite followers is about four inches taller than I am, and the way I hold her is completely different from the way I hold another favorite follower, who is about five inches shorter than I am (sans heels). In fact, in the beginning the only way we could dance comfortably was by taking the embrace and then taking it again, using our joining arms to gently nudge her arm up along my shoulder to a place near my clavicle where it fit. We've since found two or three other positions that work, but as two close-embrace dancers with Teh Boobs, it started out needing a little adjustment.

Oops, two more paragraphs until we get to this guy. Bear with me!

So my point is, I understand that the embrace needs to be adjusted according to physicality, preference (a couple of guys I know can't stand the fashionable open-hand semi-Urquiza embrace, and so I go for old-school milonguero embrace with them, etc etc), and what you plan to do with the song. You can probably skate through a Pugliese tanda without ever seriously opening the embrace, but if you hit D'Arienzo, you'd going to want a little more room to play.

To sum up: I am all for adjusting the embrace in the beginning of the tanda, at the beginning ot each song, in the middle of a song. I'm pro-adjusting. HOWEVER (yes, you reached it), hypothetically, I would guess it is not okay to take the embrace and then grab hold of the back of the follower's neck and try to push her head down so you're cheek to cheek. I mean, I'm just guessing.

First of all, your hypothetial follower is about six inches taller than you and doesn't want a faceful of your scalp, hypothetically.

Second of all, your hypothetical follower immediately brands you "Serial Killer" and walks off the floor to tell everyone she sees what a skeeze you are.

Thirdly, insisting the woman drop her head is forcing her to give up her axis, which makes it harder for her to dance and harder for you to lead her. Not that you'd care about this one; hypothetically, it's not really the dance you're after, you idiot, now is it?

Hypothetically.

Also, note to self: this is what comes of being nice to someone. I can't believe I went against my own advice! Then again, serves me right for stepping into Category B. If I'm not excited by the person extending the invitation, I should just decline. It would help me preserve some kind of hope for the future of tango.

Yeesh. How soon can I go to Buenos Aires?

My Internal Monologue.

Preparing to go dancing tonight.

I have already gotten a couple of followers on my dance card, which I think is really awesome, because they are very nice and they asked me at the end of the last milonga I went to, sort of, "Oh, I didn't get a chance to dance with you tonight - I'll be there Friday, though, and I'd love to vals with you!"

(Nobody should love valsing with me yet, by the way. I'm not very good at it. This lady was probably tired. Or a little delusional. Very sweet, though!)

A lot of the reason it's nice (besides having tandas set up already and therefore a reason to go) is because it saves me from the Leader's Internal Monologue, which goes something like this.

"Ooooh, D'Agostino/Vargas! I love this orchestra! Hmmm, is there anyone around? Oh, there's Anne! I love dancing with her, but I wonder if she - wait, wait, did she just cabeceo me? She did! Oh awesome! Wait, no, there's something in her eye. Wait, no, it's the cabeceo! Wait, not, it's something in her eye. She's sort of getting up! Oh, she's just crossing her legs. Okay, I'll look away, no good staring. Wait, now she's staring at ME! She looks hurt! Oh no, did I hurt her feelings? Maybe she just hates this tanda. Maybe that thing is still in her eye!"

Of course, by then its song #2 of the tanda, and when Anne finally comes over I feel like the world's biggest nerd.

Anyway, I am reluctant to take a lot of intiative as a leader, since I've had one or two VERY strong rejections from women. So I guess my point is: followers, if there's a woman leader in your community and you like dancing with her, ask her to dance.

She'll love it, even if it might take her a minute or five to catch on.

Waaahnesday.

Dancing last night was not great; as soon as I get nervous once, it's tough for me to recover, and unlike more seasoned tangueras like Holly, Tina, and Caroline, I still can't think, "Eh, that was a dud tanda." Instead think, "Oh GOD, my tango stock has PLUMMETED, my technique is RUINED, I will NEVER DANCE AGAIN."

I am a little bit of a pessimist.

During these times of Horrified Followeritis, it's nice to be able to lead. I find leading relaxing - there's a certain watchfulness for floorcraft, obviously, but when I am the leader I feel I am able to make a deeper connection with my partner, because I rarely trust a leader not to lead stupid shit, and my leading is so simple that my follower knows she doesn't have to worry about anything but embellishments.

(That said, sometimes I do trust a leader not to lead stupid shit, and then I'm all over the connection from the follower's side - a week or two ago I reached the end of a tanda with a leader and realized I was crying. That was pretty awesome, you guys, no lie. Except that when I cry my eyes get really red, so I look like a vampire, which sort of takes away the romance. Oh well!)

I do find it interesting that some leaders ask for a dance now by saying, "So, are you past following?"

It's asked as if following is a lesser stage of dancing that one goes through in order to reach the more enlightened and elite plateau of leading, and I find it weird and off-putting.

I totally understand asking, "Do you still follow?" because that indicates a preference and is a totally valid question to which the answer is, "Do you lead ganchos?"

But to ask (and always with a tone that's a little...defensive? Challenging? I dunno) if I'm "past following" is sad, mostly because I personally find leading a hell of a lot easier than following. Following is the hard part, you guys! Haven't you seen the shoes?!

Ah well. These are the same guys who refer to women as "follows" and not "followers", even though a "follower" is a human being and "follow" is a present-tense verb. Stop turning perfectly good humans into gerunds, people, seriously! (And before you ask, no, saying someone is a good "lead" is not the same thing; it's also wrong, since "lead" is a verb and "leader" is a noun, but the implications of a brain-dead shell in nice shoes is not present.) So I guess I shouldn't expect much from this particular breed of guy. And yet, I get a little annoyed every time, half because of the implied misogyny and half because it's just bad grammar, and there is never an excuse for bad grammar.

I'm going to try again a little later this week and see how the following goes, but je ne sais quoi.

With Wolves, I Say!

I have found another charming gentleman in the tango blogosphere. "Milongas/No hay luz/Ask Aleandro" (yes, that's the actual title) features, among other things, Ask Aleandro, where Neil's alter-ego Aleandro answers tango questions "from readers". Except, he sort of doesn't answer them at all.

Aleandro,
Why do women want to lead?
Gracias,
Sampson, a strong man with long hair

Dear Sampson,
If she chooses to dance with women that's up to her. But for me, it's better to dance with wolves than to dance with a woman who leads other women.
I'm old fashioned . . . like an Old World Gentleman . . . like a Milonguero from Buenos Aires.
Be careful. Don't let your guard down or fall asleep. She may cut your hair or other parts of your body that keep you strong.
Chau,
Aleandro

Okay, a few things.

1) The English major in me is totally stressed out that he didn't answer the question. Address the topic! Your "reader" wants to know about the motivation, not your aversion! It's like Composition 101 over here! Gah!

2) Dude has a castration thing going on that I don't really understand. Ew.

3) I am going to start using the "dance with wolves" thing everywhere I go, in all situations. It's priceless.

"Planchadora, would you like a second helping of potatoes?"
"I would rather dance with wolves than eat more of your potatoes!"

"You should come out with us!"
"I would rather dance with wolves than stay up significantly past my regular bedtime!"

"Welcome to Macy's! What can I help you with today?"
"I would rather dance with wolves than wear your casual career clothing!"

(This all must be said in Bombastic Renaissance Faire Nobleman Voice, obviously.)


ETA: I'm seriously practicing it. "I would rathah dahnce with WOOOOOLVES than wear your causal careeah clothing!"

ETA 2: The one pointed out in the comments is even funnier. These are the fakest "readers" in the land.

I have a magic power.

I have a magic power.

When I'm changing into my tango shoes, I take off a street shoe and grab the first tango shoe I can get hold of inside my bag. (It's a big bag, not your normal shoe bag.) No matter what street shoe I remove first, I pull out the tango shoe for the corresponding foot.

Magically.

I mean, sure, it's not levitation or anything, but being able to blindly change tango shoes in under thirty seconds is pretty cool when you're switching shoes all night. I consider it a power, much in the way there was an X-Men miniseries comic where Dazzler's powers overwhelm her in a huge metaphor for drug addiction, and she goes to mutant rehab after burning out, and some girl at rehab has the mutant power to change the color of a flower she's holding, and Dazzler thinks about how nice it is that not all mutants have destructive crazypants powers.

Yeah, I didn't leave the house much as a kid.

P.S. I think Dazzler, whose power was turning sound into light, should probably not have been quite so pensive about useless mutant powers, is all I'm saying.

Anyway, that awesome mutant tango power aside, the tangocoaster continues to roll along. I have a great axis! Oops, I have no axis. I have steps like Corina! I step like a duck. My leading's amazing! Except when it's not. I'm totally awesome! Oh, wait, no, I'm The Suck.

That rhymes, but I didn't notice until I was finished with it and I'm not changing it. We'll all just pretend I'm Dr. Seuss.

It's been a little while since I posted, and there are two things in the Bastardy Grump category I feel I need to address:

Firstly. Followers, when you are doing a back ocho, you really need to collect your feet. If you don't collect your ankles and swing your straight leg backwards, you are not making an ocho but a shallow planeo. And if it's Pugliese, or space and the music allow, a nice shallow planeo looks beautiful. (A deep planeo looks like stage tango, or, if poorly executed, like you're ducking a low-level aircraft.) It's a very nice adornment. But I know you're not doing 16 planeos a tanda as adornments, and the people you're tripping know that, too. Ankles and insteps, followers. Take all my other snarking with a grain of salt, but you really can't go wrong with this one. Ankles and insteps.

Secondly. Leaders. I understand you know how to do twenty great moves. The thing is, you don't need to know twenty great moves. You know what a follower is fine with? This:

This is the best of both worlds. You get to look smooth and confident and still show off your cross-track and sacada skills. She gets to walk nicely, do a few little adornments, and feel like she's listening to the music with you, not just following because of you.

(Seriously, people, tango is not driving a car or directing a follower. Tango is a conversation. The language is music, and the topic is whatever you two decide. It's not a monologue with an audience. The follower is half the dance; don't forget her.)

This is a much calmer point than it could be, because I had the pleasure of thinking about this while appreciatively watching a leader with this style, as opposed to my normal M.O., which is watching (and wanting to strangle) guys who insist on gancho/sacada combinations all the time.

I'm traveling on business tomorrow, so there's no tango for me this weekend unless I can find some in Town. (Not the same Town. Town B, I guess. I'm bad at this game.) However, given my luck with finding tango in capital-T Towns, I'll probably just spend the weekend YouTubing.

What did sequestered tango people do before YouTube?

Have you seen my funny?

I lost it somewhere.

It's not like I haven't been dancing, either; I've just fallen into that scary trap of thinking about dancing. Danger, Will Robinson!

I have been leading a lot, but there is no point I can see at the moment in describing leading, since tango is not a math class. You either do it badly, in which case you lose your follower, or you do it well, and you and your follower make it to the end.

There's technical things I can talk about (like the fun of finding out my favorite hand position in the midst of adjusting my embrace to the best hand position for every follower. I try to be an accomodating leader, since I'm still a beginner, but I love finding little pieces of a personal style), but really, you can either cut it or you can't. Right now, I'm just trying to cut it.

I have been following (not as much, since it's much easier to find a good follower to lead than a good leader to follow). I am picky. I am not sure how much I will be following in future, unless I go to Buenos Aires, where I am predisposed to think well of leaders.

It's even more hopeless for me to talk about following, since all the emotions that make up that deep, unshakeable core of following are too complex to articulate and too personal to quantify.

It probably does have a universal term that I just don't know; like, somewhere in Amsterdam and somewhere in Peru and somewhere in Tokyo three women are sitting down at their friends' tables and saying, "Lamkrix!" and everyone's nodding knowingly.

I had a comment from my tango teacher that upset me so much I was unable to dance for a week.

I had one compliment that made all the rest of this worthwhile.

This week, I'm going dancing.

(Probably not in these.)

And now: a private lesson with Planchadora.

[Scene: a dance studio.]

Players:
Me, a hapless tango dancer of one year
Bailarina, a tango dancer of approximately one million years

[The lesson begins.]

Me: I'd like to work on leading turns.

Bailarina: Bueno.

[She demonstrates the turn she'd like me to do.]

Bailarina: Begin.

...no.

...no.

...no.

...better.

...no.

...no.

...no.

...no.

...no.

...yes, almost! ...no.

...no.

Me: [falls over dead]

Leading.

Okay, this is the bastardy grump post I did not post before, but it keeps coming up and I figure I might as well post it instead of boring all my tango friends with the same grump endlessly.

If you are a man in tango, you probably: are a man (sounds obvious, but bear with me, I have a point), walk foward, dictate the dance.

Despite what a lot of you guys seem to think, none of this makes you a leader. It just makes you a man in tango.

What makes a leader: a good embrace, intent, musicality, ability to pause.

These are universal constants. Now, you don't have to move like Zotto, or have the musicality of Julio, or pause like Gavito; they are masters, and you need only be competent. Take a breath, back away from the YouTube, and relax.

However, to be considered competent, you MUST have all four of these things. There is NOTHING that will make up for a lack of these things. No pattern or cologne or pair of snappy shoes will make up for any of these four things, much the same way as really gorgeous furniture will not make up for the fact that your house only has three walls. You need all four.

If you have great musicality but no intent, you'll step on me. If you have musicality but no ability to pause, you'll artfully dance me around but be unable to collect me. If you don't have a good embrace, I won't have confidence in anything else you do.

These four things take dedication and some time to develop, but by six months of any kind of class or practice whatsoever you should be able to listen to the music, walk nicely without stepping on your follower, and collect without wobbling.

Your followers need it. Really, we do. We don't need sacadas. We hate ganchos. Boleos injure other dancers. Just listen to the music and walk nicely. Let us know you're there. If the music allows, stand quietly with us for a moment; balance us, check in on us. We just want safe houses, really.

If we say no to a dance, and you ask why, we may say a lot of things, but what we're really telling you is, "Your house only has three walls."

If you think you can't do it, or you can't imagine what I mean, or you want proof it looks cool enough, this is Jorge Dispari walking with his daughter Samantha.


Online Videos by Veoh.com

Just saying.

My Dancing.

I'm not sure how much to talk about my dancing anymore - when it's good I don't notice because I'm listening to the music and not worrying about it, and when it's bad it's just a laundry list of things to practice in a not-funny way. Plus, I'll never set the Thames on fire, let's face it. Do I love tango? Oh, yes. Does it drive me nuts? Oh, yes. Am I ever going to be awesome? Oh, no. Does it stop me rattling on?

Oh, no.

I notice that I'm much less nervous about my leading than about my following, because following is asking yourself, "Can I?" and leading is saying, "I can." As a follower, if you accept a dance with someone you pretty much have to be prepared to follow whatever they lead- a huge unknown quantity. As a leader, you know already what you can do, and chances are you know what your follower can do, and it's much, much less stressful.

When I manage to get a really sharp follower it brings home the fact that my tango vocabulary is not huge - I'm a big fan of the walk, basically. At the same time, the volcada/colgada/gancho thing isn't my style as a follower and kind of as a human being, especially volcadas - give me my axis back, dude! I worked hard for that! I'm in stilettos! Give a girl a break!

Ahem! ANYWAY. I shouldn't be surprised that I don't like leading those, is my point.

history is littered with the evidence of men who loved volcadas too much

Also, tangent: what man in his right mind leads a gancho on a woman in stilettos? Just...is that wise? I'm asking. (Not talking about professionals here, they are very spicy and sexy etc., but for your average social leader and your average social follower, it's kind of flirting with disaster, I think.)

That being said, my following is actually much nicer than it was before I started leading, which is half the passage of time in general and half because I'm more relaxed about following. Also, another half is because I'm much pickier about my dances now, having an attitude of, "If you can lead this better than I could, I'm happy to dance with you. If not, please excuse me." So, that's three halves. Good thing I'm not an accountant. I'd be rich!...and in prison.

To sum up: following is fun. Leading is fun. My feet hurt. Those Italian engineers really never lived that one down, did they?

Planchadora Rips Into Commenters, Part 2 in a Series.

So, a gentleman posted in a comment to a video of two women dancing, qualifying women leaders on criteria other than "ability" and "body odor". And he had the very bad judgement to do so on my blog.

I think you'll agree with me when I say: Mistake!

For those who don't want to go scrolling all over, the comment in its entirety is pasted below:

"She leads very well, she have great musicality (in milonga!), and she is hot... I dont know if i have to feel threatened by her (and her kind of girls) or just excited about such dancers.
But I know one thing: I REALLY want to dance with her sometime. Probably it will be a little difficult, because I find that women who often leads aren't "flexible" (I can think in a better word) in her follow. But it sure must be a pleasure =).
I use to think that women who leads don look good, but some girls I knew, prove me wrong.
Great video!"

Now, this gentleman commented to an earlier post and made it known he's Argentine, so I'm not going to ding him on grammar or anything, because let's face it, I can ding his content plenty.


1) The "hot girl" in question is Silvina Valz, frequent and favored performance partner of Flaco Dany. I've been lucky enough to take some of her classes.

Dude? You should feel threatened.

2) Who else loves the idea that because she's hot, she's not as threatening as some more mannish women leaders? That's pretty awesome. (See #1.)

3) Women who lead aren't as "flexible" if they lead regularly. Interesting thought. I'm not going to conjecture the word he meant, because I think he means "pliable" and that would make me spitting mad, so we'll give him a pass here.

I would like to point out, however, that 99% of professional female tango dancers know how to lead, for teaching purposes if for nothing else, and they're probably flexible enough to suit most people. If this isn't enough, I'd like to refer the statement about "frequent female leading = bad following" to Fabienne Bongard, Sharna Fabiano, Rebecca Shulman, Valeria Solomonoff, andBrigitta Winkler, members of the all-female tango troupe Tango Mujer, and not bad as followers go.

Dude? See #1.

You guys, I have a metaphor!

And I think this one actually goes someplace instead of descending into mumbling and pictures of Julio and Corina!

I hear a lot of people saying that leading tango is like driving a car. Understandable, since the directional/speed dynamic is there, but sort of unfair to the follower, who puts in eighteen hours of ochos a week only to be called either the passenger or the actual car. (Nice chassis! Oh...hay?) So I've been trying to think of something that translates my feelings about leading into a more cooperative metaphor than 'a car'.

And at dinner last week, I found one! Because I like dinner. And by "one" I mean I found a metaphor, not a car. If I found a car I would sell it and buy shoes.

So, I'm of the mind that the leader is a chef in a restaurant for one, whose personal menu is available to the public. The leader asks the follower to dinner, and it's up to the follower/diner to agree to eat a chef's-choice meal off the menu. Once she agrees, she's pretty much bound to eat everything the chef serves, since she could see the menu right up front. However, if the chef doesn't cook carefully and ends up serving a strawberry dish that the diner's allergic to, or trying to show up and flambe her entree and her hair lights fire, you get a big-ass disaster.

Some diners are really picky eaters and choose chefs very carefully; they tend to be pleased with the meals to which they agree. Some diners agree out of politeness and end up eating a nasty, sandy meal that gives them food poisoning. This is sad, but if the menu reads "nasty, sandy roast beef", well, they sort of knew it.

And of course, choosing the chef is a matter of personal taste based on the menu. Some diners insist on the flambe dinner because they like their dining experiences dramatic; some diners are perfectly happy to sit down to macaroni and cheese. Everyone is in search of the perfect chef who will cook them exactly the meal they want based on the offerings on the menu; when a chef seems to create dishes specifically for the diner who's eating at the time, it's the ultimate compliment.

The chef has to adapt to each diner as she comes; some are new to gourmet cooking and might not be able to appreciate some of the funkier items the chef knows he can cook; some have sophisticated palettes that have been trained for years, and if the chef drops cilantro into anything she'll beat him with a stick until he's dead. However, since the chef ASKS the diner to come and eat, he has to understand demands and limitations, and good cooking comes when the chef works within them.

The diner should try to eat each dish correctly and with good form, using all proper utensils, and avoiding faux pas: making sure not to put cheese on seafood dishes, for example. The diner should wait for the next course without trying to second-guess the chef.

The diner has a right to leave at any time, for any reason. She's a guest, not a prisoner. A professional, mature chef will not throw a hissy if this happens, and instead perhaps re-examine his menu.

Unacceptable: molesting the diner, cooking dishes at lightning speed and getting angry if the diner can't eat it all instantaneously in time for the next dish, cooking the same dish six times and insisting they're all different dishes.



You get the idea. I feel like this is a much nicer metaphor than the car one, because the act of cooking itself involves the innate desire to please, rather than to control, and makes the leader's responsibility one of caring for the follower, of providing for her.

Or, I'm hungry.

Wow, I'm punctual. Also: I talk about tango some more.

Almost a full week without posting! Obviously I've been dancing a lot. Or, I fell in a hole and was only now rescued by municipal authorities. You can decide which one you want to be true.

Hint: since this post is about dancing, it's safe to assume I got some dancing done before I fell into the hole. Place your bets accordingly; no need to lose money because you were underinformed.

This weekend I hit the 50/50 mark, where I led a tanda for every tanda I followed. I learned a lot of things from this. The most important thing I learned was that I can change out of a pair of heels in about ten seconds. I also learned some stuff about dancing, I guess, but come on! Ten seconds to be in a completely different pair of shoes with ties and everything! I'll never miss a song again!

Other things I noticed from all this floor time are the respective lists of demands for leaders and followers:


LEADERS
* Hold the follower in a solid yet gentle embrace.
* Step decisively and strongly without overpowering the follower.
* Lead with the chest, not the arms.
* Navigate the floor successfully.
* Listen to the music and interpret it dynamically and engagingly into your dance.

FOLLOWERS
* Step nicely and with good posture.
* Be psychic.


Followers win, seriously. It is so infinitely harder to follow than to lead, because they have to be relaxed enough to follow whatever lead comes, but they also have to be PSYCHIC and intuit what move the leader was going for, so even if he leads [enter complicated move here] without giving the follower room, she can beautifully and gracefully make it into a [slightly different yet still very slick move]. Guys can laugh here, but I promise you, the women? Backlead.

After a weekend of doing both, the following is much more exhausting than the leading. The leading is more nerve-wracking.

I don't do any of the fancy stuff yet, nor can I see myself ever really doing so - I'm too milonguero to enjoy colgadas and volcadas and all that crazy stuff the kids are doing these days. My leading is focused on the little list above; most of what I'm learning about leading happens as I'm following and think either "I see!" or "...I see."

Recently, people are asking which I prefer, leading or following. In all honesty, it really is like trains and boats - they both take you someplace, and sometimes you prefer one or the other, but in general they're both lovely ways to get around. If there's a decent leader with whom I enjoy dancing, I love following. But I'm a picky follower, and it's just as likely I'll run into a follower I like dancing with, and well, why not lead?

ps. I don't know why this is, but I get all these skeevy guys who are like, "I've always wanted to be led by a woman, you know."

....eeeeeeeeeeeeew.

There are a few men I wouldn't mind leading, but these are men who genuinely want to understand following and are willing to follow other men as well and aren't just looking for jollies. There are plenty of men who are willing to lead other men where I am, so there's no excuses, and I am not really interested in being some guy's free dominatrix for ten minutes, you guys. Seriously.

Also, I'll try to post more, even when I have nothing to say. Expect a lot of polls!

Good news, bad news, bad shoes.

Good news: I love leading. Not quite as much as following a good leader (following a good leader is indescribable and total rewardingpants), but I like leading much, much more than following a bad leader. See previous posts wherein I am a bastardy grump.

Bad news: I have to fix. When you're a follower and there's a disconnect in the step, your job is to wait until he fixes. When you're leading, you actually have to figure out how to fix it.

Good news: this doesn't happen a lot since my style is currently so simple that it's hard for me to fuck up.

Bad news: my style is really simple. I need to step it up with the tango vocabulary. I know about 30 steps, but I trust myself to effectively lead about 7. Time to hit practica. Musicality is all well and good, but it's one thing to be simple on purpose and another thing to be simple because you don't know better. It's the difference between Ernest Hemingway and a second-grader.

Good news: 90% of missteps can be fixed by walking to the cross.

Bad news: Walking to the cross is one of my 7 steps. They're on to me!

Good news: My following has also improved a ton; either my balance is getting better or I'm getting better at reading a lead and knowing where my foot has to be. I'll take either one!

Bad news: What works for the follower (hip embellishments, let's say) does not always work for the leader. It's okay, you can laugh. I certainly did the last time I caught myself in the mirror with salsa hips. Note to self: just because it's D'Arienzo doesn't mean your ass can be shaking all over.

Good news: My hip embellishments are looking great!

Bad news: My nice shoes are languishing, since it's impossible to switch in and out of them all night long when I'm doing about 50/50 leading and following.

Good news: The arch of my right foot, which had been a little sore following weeks of training in toe-pointing and instep-resting, is feeling much better. Yay breaks!

Bad news: I need leading shoes desperately. I'm leading in little jazz shoes and it's just not feasible.

Good news: A lot of comfortable shoes are suitable for both leading and following!

Bad news: These shoes exist.

Good news: They're out of stock!

Bad news: That means PEOPLE BOUGHT THEM.

Q & A with Planchadora

Since the post I made expressing frustration with public reaction to my leading, things have calmed somewhat. I am still working my hardest to learn, incorporating a few new steps at a time with the old staples, working on my intent and my posture and the comfort of my embrace.

I still do not ask women to dance unless they have make it clear they want to dance with me. And by "make it clear," I don't mean eye contact. I mean they come up and ask, "Can we have a dance later?"

This weekend I went to a milonga, and after a tanda of leading I walked the woman back to her seat. A porteno nearby asked me how long I had been dancing, and I told him I had been leading for two months or so, and started to say something self-deprecating, but stopped when I saw his expression and asked why.

"Because you understand tango," he said. "You really understand."

I tell you this story partly because it's the best tango complement I'm ever going to get, and partly because I'm about to rip into a porteno, and I want to make it clear the general level of respect I have for Bs As-born tango dancers.

SO! In response to my O RLY? post, Dandy, from Buenos Aires, writes:

I am writing from Buenos Aires.
I have a question . What is this abaout leaders and followers?
In the tango dance you have hombres (man) y mujeres (women).
Nothing can change that,is the essence of tango.

My favorite thing about this letter is that it assumes I cannot identify the words "hombres" and "mujeres", and yet understand the article "y".

This is my answer:


Hi Dandy,

Actually, my advice was split into two parts - advice for leaders and advice for followers - based on things I have observed at the milongas in my city. The advice does not relate to gender, but rather to the roles of the dance.

Traditional tango is a man and a woman, obvio. However, the essence of tango to me is two people moving together, attemping to express the sentimientos of tango. The genders of those two people doesn't matter to me.

In Buenos Aires I am sure every man is a tango god, and you especially I am sure, since you have taken the time to write me and correct me. However, where I live, in a milonga full of hombres mierdas, many women are happy to dance with good women leaders.

You are free to have your own opinion on this, but I am a woman who leads and follows, and I see no reason why I should be forbidden to lead just because I am a woman. Anyone who is musical, who can give intent, who can take care of the follower in their arms and navigate the dance floor well, can lead. You may not agree, but I know plenty of followers who do.

O RLY?

I came across a post in a tango discussion board last night. I've decided not to link it because the guy was totally trying to be nice and not trolling anything, so he gets the benefit of the doubt on that one and should not be yelled at for trying to encourage people to be welcoming. However, it did make me bust out with my O RLY? face.

Upshot: Women should stop being so picky. If they choose to dance only with leaders who are better than they are, or the best leaders in the room, then all the beginners and other leads feel left out and might not come back, and in the interest of supporting the community and "paying it back", women should dance more.

O RLY? Let me break out my bag o'punctuation for a nice long snarkfest. **

First: I agree that people should support beginners, absolutely. I was a beginner once, and without R. and the other brave men who endeavored to show me turns, sacadas, and paradas, I'd be discouraged and probably by now I'd be ice dancing instead. In the spirit of paying it back to the tango community, there are beginners I dance with whenever I see them at a milonga, because they are always trying to improve. They'll ask a question about the embrace (between songs), they'll try something new that they've clearly been working on, and if it doesn't quite happen, they'll make it into something they can manage without tripping the follower. They try to listen to the music and dance D'Arienzo differently than Vargas.

Key words above include: trying to improve, clearly been working, manage without tripping, listen to the music. I will fix your fumble if you were trying to make a very musical turn and it didn't quite work out. If you take a side step and don't know how to navigate for a while, it's all right, I'll hang out. (One guy tried this, got boxed in, and after about ten seconds he said, "Uh...artistic pause!" and I cracked up because it was awesome.) I will totally dance with you if this is the case.

Beginners I will not dance with again: Guys who dance every dance exactly the same, inluding milongas (aieeee!). Guys who try out something on you that they just "learned" unsuccessfully in the intermediate class. Guys who try out that same move four times in a row whether or not he can actually do it. Practicas, you guys.

Beginners who ruin it for all the other beginners: Guys who try to use salsa moves on the dance floor when their tango fails them. (Yes, this happened, yes, it was as bad as you think, and I have to tell you, this guy initiated my "I don't care how good you say you are, I'm not dancing with you until I've seen you dance with someone else" rule. I usually shorten it and sound more polite, obviously, but if I don't know you I'm reluctant to be your first dance. I've missed out on one or two leads, but I've avoided about 300 disasters, so I'm okay with the odds.

SALSA, you guys. To DI SARLI. I died inside.)

Unrelated addendum: if you have brought your own follower and can manage to avoid crashing people, you guys can practice your moves over and over. If you're not bocking traffic and not using an unsuspectecting follower as a practice partner, you can do as you please. It looks funny to parade around doing a fancy gancho combination 16 times, but if you're fine with it I'm fine with it.

Guys I won't dance with at all: If you have been dancing for 5 years and you still dance every dance exactly the same. If your tango vocabulary is mostly stage moves. (Nobody wants to see your follower sliding between your legs, dude.) If you teach on the dance floor. If you try to hold me closer to my ass than my shoulder in hopes of copping a feel. If you are a Shoveler. If you clearly never practice and don't know how long it takes the follower to do something, so you link all your fancy tricks together without remembering the laws of physics. (I have been guilty of this myself as a leader, but I figured it out during practica and fixed it way before I went to a milonga and asked someone to dance.) If you show off at the expense of your partners.

I'd argue that tango community service is REFUSING to dance with bad leaders. A complacent leader will never improve and will continue playing grab-ass all over the dance floor for the rest of his life. A leader who isn't getting dances will have to either quit the scene and grab ass someplace else, or improve.

This will significantly cut the risk of Horrified Followeritis, and definitely increase the number of 'Yeses' these guys get. I'm still not sure why they do it.

Yes, leading is extremely difficult. I know that. I'm working on it myself. However, keyword: I am working on it. I practice out of the public eye with friends and in classes, I ask questions and get feedback, I keep it to the steps I know I can lead. I don't ask people to dance yet at milongas, because I'm not good enough. If a friend asks me, I'll be happy to lead, but I'm not presenting myself as a leader yet because I can't expect people to dance with me until I'm better. I expect no less from other leaders.

A follower has nothing to gain from dancing with a leader who is complacently sucky, who is not listening to the music, who grabs her ass, who steps on her toes, who makes her a practice dummy. Why would she say yes?

Now, because my grouch is equal-opportunity: FLIP SIDE!

Followers! Your turn!

Heads up: Just because you are young and skinny doesn't mean you're a good follower. It means you're young and skinny, and good leaders rarely avoid young, skinny partners. You still have to work on your technique. No one looks good with their ankles six inches apart and their feet rolling everywhere. Insteps and ankles, please. This goes for everyone, by the way, not just young, skinny beginners. Everybody! Insteps and ankles!

As regards speed: Long steps are gorgeous. I am a big fan of any lady who steps back with beautiful long steps. However, there's no need to rush. You're not going anywhere. It's a circle! Plus, you're sort of dragging your leader, and it makes the guy look funny when he's running after you.

Also: Posture. It looks lovely to stand up straight - your mom told you, those bat-crazy nuns at the Catholic school told you, and now I'm telling you. Hunching over and leaning your head on his shoulder does not look sad and emotive; it looks like you're falling asleep, or that he punched you in the stomach. Quit defaming your leaders as boring and/or abusive brutes! So mean!

Also also: Every once in a while, dance with a beginner who's trying. If he's really trying, in two years he'll be awesome, and you'll be all, "Oh hi, Awesome," and he'll be like, "Oh hi, Nice Follower, care to dance?" and all the other women will be totally jealous. You wait and see.

** Disclaimer: I am a bastardy grump.

Stupid out of pratice...ness!

Thanks for all the comments a few posts back on my leading frustration; it was awesome to have the reassurance that I am not a hulking alien beast out to stomp on tango traditions the world over. In fact, Miss Tango in Her Eyes pointed out that men used to dance with each other for practice, which is not only a pratical idea when out on the range for months at a time, but also an excellent reason for some of my favorite tango boys to start dancing together! (Though guys seem to freak out about that, which is hysterical when one of the visiting male instructors asks to see the move and takes the follower's position, and the student is more freaked out about the fact that it's a dude than the fact that they can't do the move.)

I went dancing for the first time in two weeks on Monday, and my following was fine - I've begun the tentative entry into the world of embellishments, which means that every once in a while I tap a downbeat and feel a wild surge of elation that I haven't fallen over. Nothing like keeping expectations low!

Sadly, after two weeks of not leading I could tell a difference in my embrace, and after one tanda with the world's sweetest woman, who pretended I wasn't suddenly boring, I cut the night short before I could manhandle anybody. Morale was low at home that night.

I think I'm going to go back to my current training trick, where I dance in my living room with a stack of wafer cookies in the crook of my right arm. If I open my embrace too much (losing my imaginary follower), the cookies fall. If I manhandle her, the cookies are crushed, and then I have to clean up thousands of tiny cookie crumbs from my floorboards, and it serves me right for being a bad leader!

Plus, I get to fill my house with wafer cookies. Their sweet, chocolately filling compels me!

Serious Post. You've been warned.

Okay, so this post not nearly as fun and underwear-flashing as the previous post. It's a reaction to something that I find frustrating and baffling, by turns. (Hence my disclaimer in the title, which I origially typed "You've been warmed." You are the Hot Pockets of my life!)


Gentlemen, let's get this straight:

1. I am not claiming I am a better leader than you are. If you think I'm a better leader than you are, that's your problem. I'm just enjoying the music.

2. Of course I still love following. In fact, my following has improved by leaps and bounds since I began leading, because now I can follow a subtler intent and I know what feel best to the leader. Saying that because I lead I don't like to follow is like saying that because I like boats, I must hate trains. They both take you places. What's the issue? (Unless you're saying all this because I've declined to follow YOU, in which case, see #1.)

Now, this bizarre passive-aggressiveness comes from a small percentage of the guys. Growly, hypermasculine, stompy, but small. I take comfort in the knowledge that they are generally unpleasant people anyway, and clearly just want something to grump about.

The nice guys, the guys I like to dance with, point out embellishments I could do to dress up a simple step and bring out a flourish in the music. They remind me to hold my elbow back and not to bend my knees too much, and then ask me if I'd like to dance.


Women are generally much cooler about a woman leader, and I have had a much better reaction from them. There are, however, some women who also need clarification:


1. I am not out to cop a feel or dominate anyone. This is more than you can say for a lot of the not-so-good male leaders who ask you to dance, who are just out for a warm body against them, which I know from experience and am surprised you still tolerate. I am leading because it's a tanda I love, and either my leader of choice is not available, or I would prefer to interpret it myself (and dancing alone in a corner looks pretty dumb).

2. I only dance with women who ask ME first. If you see me leading for a while, it's because she's asked for another tanda. I am not kidnapping anyone. I promise.


Clearly most of the readers of the blog are not the sort of knee-jerk haters who go home and stick pins in voodoo dolls of tango dancer, and this rant is totally uneccessary. It's just a shame that somehow it's a big political statement whenever I want to walk around to di Sarli with someone who likes to dance with me.

Leading. No, seriously.

So at first I was just waiting for the day I'd shove my follower through a window and she'd plummet to her doom (you never know!), but it's been a few weeks, and I think I've begun to lead socially.

I've been leading a little here and there with close friends at practicas or at home, so I hadn't really put myself on the market as a lead. I'm a beginner, which speaks for itself. Plus, I'm a woman, which is a stroke against me with a lot of the women who come to the milongas solely to find a connection with guys.

Disclaimer for the above statement: don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the search for connection at all. Man/woman is traditional tango and I'm all for it. (Except that man/man is also traditional tango, but not many guys really want to get into that, so we're right back where we started.) It's just that I personally like finding a connection with the other dancer and with the music, regardless of gender, so leading or following a member of the same sex has never really been an issue for me. Your mileage may vary.

(This disclaimer does not apply for men who don't button their shirts and for women who wear fishnet stockings and fishnet gloves at the same time. Those people are looking for a different kind of connection, if you get me. O HAAAAY.)

My following has improved immensely since I started leading. I was worried I would be unable to mentally switch back and forth, but my teacher makes sure I keep the two roles separate by switching the lead on me mid-song during our lessons, so suddenly I find myself worrying about pointing the foot instead of navigation, or about holding the follower correctly in back ochos instead of embellishments. It's awesome. No, seriously.

At a milonga this weekend, a woman I know from the scene came up and asked me to dance, mentioning that she had seen me leading one of my close friends a week ago and wanted to give it a try.

"I'm a beginner," I said, trying to think if I could possibly be interesting enough. Reviewing my library of steps, I realized it was all Easy Readers, and I blanched. "Like, really a beginner."

"Yeah, but you have nice rhythm," she said.

(Tangocoaster: 601. Me: 1!)

We agreed on just finishing the tanda - one song left, and it was di Sarli, whom I love like I love cake (I looooove cake), so I could at least give it a go.

I kept it as absolutely simple as I could, concentrating on the music and the clarity of the lead instead of anything in my Easy Reader Library of steps. Remembering how beautiful a tango walk can be, I went for feeling over footwork.

For the first time it occured to me how utterly the leader drives the song - something I hadn't had time to think about when dancing with friends or teachers who are critiquing your posture and making sure your intent is clear. Thankfully it was one of my favorite di Sarlis, so I was able to make a go of it musically.

She asked if she could dance the next tanda with me.

(Tangocoaster: 601. Me: 2!!)

Best part: passing my friends at our table, who didn't realize until that moment that I was leading a stranger. Two of them were beaming, one was tapping her shoulders to remind me not to bend my neck to the follower. That's true friendship, right there.

This Weekend in Tango.

This weekend in tango! Imagine that in a nice newsreel voice. "This WEEKEEEEEND...in TAAAANGOOOOOO."

No, really, here's a rundown of a few tango events recently. Enjoy my shame! And my squee.


1. Had a fantastic dance with an excellent lead; I'd danced with him once or twice before, clearly pity dances. This time, he seemed pleased with my overall performance, which I only figured out when he asked me for a second tanda later in the evening. OH HAAAAAAY.

2. Then he stepped on my pants.

3. Nothing happened, though! We didn't fall over, and he didn't even need to adjust the step.

4. I just need to maybe hem my pants some.

5. Awkward.

6. Saw the guy who claimed to have taught me ocho cortaaaaado. He tried to give me the come-on, and I shot him the kind of glare you only see in Lauren Bacall movies. He didn't ask after that.

7. I hope he wasn't watching when the pants thing happened.

8. Near the end of the night, I led Vasquez. I've been leading my teacher, but Vasquez is a whole different animal. I couldn't breathe, and twice I led her in giros and couldn't figure out what foot she was on coming out of it and had to walk to the cross to get back in place, and basically thought I would die.

9. She let me lead her nearly two whole songs before she left to queue up the tanda. I think this is praise, only because I believe that if I were truly terrible she would not have hesitated to slap me in the face and tell me never to dance again.

10. Maybe she just liked my pants.

11. I just like them better than skirts, though! Less risk of pantiness!

12. Yes, pantiness is a word. You hush.