Angst.
Recently, I haven't been writing much, and a lot of it is because tango is a very insular community - the more friends I make, the less comfortable I am using them in the blog. It's annoying, as I'm a writer by nature and hopefully, eventually, by trade, and the narrative flow of my tango pogress has been hindered by the fact that the people I know might not want to see themselves on this blog, especially if it's not glowing. And often it's not - I've made no secret of the fact that I'm a bastard, and just because *you* think you're good doesn't mean *I* do.
Even when it is glowing, it's awkward. Recently I've become friends with a few really great people, which has been great for my dancing and for life in general since there is always a friendly face at the milonga. However, once you're friends with someone you're in their camp, like tango is an exercise in feudalism. You swear your troth to the saloners or the nuevoists or the milongueros and must remain their vassal thereafter. Some of the people I'd love to talk about on the blog might, if they found themselves, take it out on my tango friends rather than just on me. This is revoltingly juvenile, but it's the way of things. Insult someone, and no one at your table gets a dance from him again. That's not fair to my friends; many of them are much more accepting than I am and should not be punished for my opinion. Doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Doesn't mean I'm not still worried.
I will try to post more about my lessons, maybe, or technique in general, or the history of tango - things that are less volatile subjects. But of course, the real comedy and the real tragedy of tango is closer to home, and I struggle daily with the balance between a peaceful milonga and a true story. It's a new struggle for me - in my real life I take the opinion that no one can make an ass of you unless you've already made an ass of yourself. The issue now is whether I can take that opinion into the milonga and survive.
Okay, now it sounds all adventurey and exciting. A better take, at least.
3 comments:
Well yes, this is the crux of tango blogging, isn't it. It's the reason I've nearly ceased doing it.
Yeah, there's a fine line when writing about people, even if you try to protect their identities. I found that over time, people in my town became more and more non-descript in my blog.
I can relate, I never really wrote about the Vancouver tango scene, because of exactly that.
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