Thursday, March 29, 2007

Do not adjust your monitor.

Some of the fetching ladies of the brand-new tango show "Tango Para La Eternidad" stand proudly in their costumes, designed to personify the many faces of tango: space alien, 1880s saloon girl, naked hippie, and Morticia Addams. *

* These dresses are real. They are designed by a fashion label that exists solely to manufacture "tango dresses", the majority of which presumably look like this. On purpose. I don't even know.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

"The Tango Lesson."

My friend Cadencia gave me The Tango Lesson as a gift. I had seen it three years ago on one of those independent film channels you always end up watching right before you fall asleep, and I remembered it as some kind of weird fever dream with a goatee in it. Naturally I was excited by the opportunity to watch it while lucid.

"The Tango Lesson." A movie / real-life comparison.

MOVIE: Film director Sally Potter can't concentrate on her hilariously sucky movie and, after seeing a tango performance, tries to learn tango from Pablo Veron.

The dude may be a drunk, but he can jump!

She gets through one lesson that he teaches while totally hung over.

REAL LIFE: Uh, so far so good.

MOVIE: Because her imaginary movie kind of sucks, she finds fake holes all over her house and runs off to Buenos Aires to really learn tango, as in, learn tango from other people who are not drinkyface Pablo Veron.

REAL LIFE: Probably a good idea! I'm just saying, that crazy art movie went nowhere and it looks Pablo's dancing with himself, if you get me.

Sally introduces her leitmotif of unflattering, high-waisted bubble pants.

MOVIE: She takes what looks like two lessons from Gustavo Naveira and Fabian Salas, then hits Confiteria Ideal and manages to snag Omar Vega AND Cacho Dante.

REAL LIFE: Well, she ain't so great, it has to be said, but hey, if anyone can teach someone to tango in two lessons it's Gustavo and Fabian. Also, this movie makes me hope they are a wacky crime-fighting duo who run around fixing people's bad ochos and stuff all the time, because the world needs them! ALSO also, they could maybe have their wacky tuxedo-wearing friend "Flaco" Dany who helps them out sometimes, and their wacky high-speed weapons expert Jorge Firpo, and their counterintelligence superpower Geraldine Rojas! I'd pay money to see that movie! I'd pay more money to see that movie than I would to see this one, that's for damn sure.

Sally Potter and her wacky crimefighting trio

ps. If you watch that YouTube video, right when they have the establishing shot of the gentlemen, Cacho Dante is totally staring RIGHT AT THE CAMERA. It's one of my favorite moments in the whole movie. He's like, "I, uh...I'm"

MOVIE: Sally comes back from Buenos Aires and is bored by everything.

REAL LIFE: Hell yes. See also: anyone who ever went to Bs As and danced.

MOVIE: She misses tango, so she goes to see Pablo and they become BFFs and dance through a bunch of waiters trying to clean up and along a municipal waterway.

REAL LIFE: I'd say we're edging into Mary Sue territory, but apparently this actually happened to some extent, and later we get to see plenty of her dancing foibles, so I'll give her a pass.

MOVIE: They become professional dance partners in a sort of put-me-in-your-movie foreplay, except that Pablo only dances for himself and as soon as she starts in with, "So, you totally ignored me on stage in front of, like, three hundred people," he whips out the, "I'm a man, I need my space to BREATHE!" thing, which might work on a better actor but looks pretty hilarious on Pablo Veron.

REAL LIFE: Dude, this is every relationship in the history of time. Check.

MOVIE: They go back to Buenos Aires, where they pick up Gustavo and Fabian and begin working on choreography - and on their sizzling sexual tension!

In an attempt to escape the rain, Sally's pants crawl up her waistline seeking freedom!

REAL LIFE: Sally's not a good emoter, and neither is Pablo, and the sexual-tension part is just a lot of staring. However, you'll notice that all these scenes are saved by Gustavo and Fabian, Crime-Fighting Milongueros! (Gustavo is the serious, mythical one and Fabian is the lighthearted, playful one, and they work tirelessly to uncover the axis of every tango dancer! Hooray!)

MOVIE: The jealousy increases until Pablo busts up her tanda with another guy so he can dance with her himself.

REAL LIFE: I checked with a friend who lived in Bs As on this, and her answer was, "HAHAHAH, no." I'm going to take a wild stab and say that it would either not happen or not be tolerated if it did happen, because, come on.

ps. I have no video footage of this, but if you can get your hands on a copy of the movie, right after Pablo shoves Sally's partner, there's a mid-shot where you can see a pair of dancer extras. The dude's expression is the kind of horror and dismay one would expect if Pablo had come to the guy's house, shoved sand into his face, kicked his dog, and marched out. That extra is holding NOTHING back.

MOVIE: Ambiguous ending after some big fight about nothing.

REAL LIFE: Well, you have to give Sally points for knowing how relationships go. Another one for Sally.

I finished this movie with the prevailing thought that my fever dream had been pretty accurate.

There are a lot of things here that are totally artsy and contrived, and the fact that I could believe that they actually happened makes me a little sad for Sally - like, I can absolutely believe she'd call and leave a big Biblical anecdote on someone's answering machine. Should she be proud of this? I don't know. I guess it depends on how well it worked in real life.

I also have trouble with the fact that all the Argentine bigshots make a big deal out of how great a dancer she is; I can't blame her for wanting to make a movie where she dances with every bigshot but Flaco Dany, who must have been out of town, but later she makes a whole plot point out of the fact that she's NOT a very good follower, which just makes me feel like she was writing fanfiction in her head or something. I mean, who abandons their significant other ON THE DANCE FLOOR to come over and dance with someone else? (Yes, this happened. Just like they all cross the room and stand by the table while she's talking and wait to ask her to dance. Who let that happen?)

What I do think she got right is the addictive nature of tango; I love all the quiet moments where she hobbles around in her first pair of tango shoes, where she soaks her feet in the tub after a night of dancing. I love when she goes to the tea dance in Paris and even though at that point she hasn't been to Buenos Aires, you can see on her face that she knows this isn't really tango. That stuff is all great.

And this moment, thought totally contrived, is a very powerful representation of the struggle of tango, where the man seeks to contain the woman but needs her for balance, etc. This moment was the reason I chose this as my blog picture for so long.

This whole movie was the reason I took it off again. I'm on strike for Gustavo and Fabian: Crime-Fighters! I know you can do it, Sally! Make it happen!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Dear Capezio,

Our love affair is over!

My dance sneakers gave in this weekend, and I had no alternatives. So, a brief list of what I learned this weekend:

1) Bring more shoes. Always bring more shoes. You think two pair will be enough, but clearly you are a fool.

2) My feet have such nice, smooth callouses that I can dance for two hours in socks with my heels 4 inches off the floor and my feet don't hurt.

3) Take THAT, Capezio! Hanes is totally putting you out of business!

4) I wish desperately for beautiful shoes that enable me to alternate leading and following without making me look like The Bride of Clunkentoes or, alternately, the little-known and often maligned Kevin Costner love interest Stands-With-Two-Pairs.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Because pictures are nice. Sometimes. Sometimes they burn your eyeballs.

Because I have no high horse to get up on today, it's picture time!

First off, this picture of two tango dancers who are both girls (say it ain't so!):

I don't know how you're supposed to walk, much less dance in those dresses, frankly. I especially love the grumpy girl on the left. She needs to breathe, people! She probably hasn't eaten in a year! Let her out!

But for every soft-focus beauty shot of Belle Epoque dresswear, we have a photo shoot for modern tango wear that looks like it was shot at the Winter Formal or something:

1. Love that picture-in-picture! If only it had that oval frame action from my junior prom days, where you got TWO shots of you and your date looking uncomfortable, instead of just one. (Tradition in my school was to take one serious one and one "wacky" one, which usually involved the girl looking like the beginning of a Mentos commercial, fake-baffled and -dismayed, while the guy grabbed some ass. Classy, classy establishment.)

2. Speaking of grab-ass, how about we maybe add a skirt to that dress?

There is nothing wrong with this next dress. It's a little tight for tango, maybe, but there's nothing at all wrong with it - it's something I'd wear to a wedding. I just love the story created by this unintentionally hilarious picture editing :

"Sally couldn't stand how Sadie was so blissfully happy to steal Sally's every move, her every thought, her every outfit - but all that would soon change. Oh, yes, it would. Sadie would be very, very sorry."

And some more shoes:

I can't tell if these are interesting or appalling, and I absolutely cannot fathom what they look like on someone's foot. My brain loses today. I do appreciate them taking a stab at a new look, but is it like a straightjacket for your foot? I think these might be like a pair of Comme il Fauts I saw someone wearing once, open-toe slingbacks in white satin with a black toile print and a big velvet cord tied around the ankle. I didn't like the shape of the shoe, but I totally admired the idea behind it, and the fact that this girl could keep a shoe on her foot with something flimsier than ribbon.

It was like a gossamer, marshmallow fairy-kiss of a shoe tie, you guys, seriously.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Good news, bad news, bad shoes.

Good news: I love leading. Not quite as much as following a good leader (following a good leader is indescribable and total rewardingpants), but I like leading much, much more than following a bad leader. See previous posts wherein I am a bastardy grump.

Bad news: I have to fix. When you're a follower and there's a disconnect in the step, your job is to wait until he fixes. When you're leading, you actually have to figure out how to fix it.

Good news: this doesn't happen a lot since my style is currently so simple that it's hard for me to fuck up.

Bad news: my style is really simple. I need to step it up with the tango vocabulary. I know about 30 steps, but I trust myself to effectively lead about 7. Time to hit practica. Musicality is all well and good, but it's one thing to be simple on purpose and another thing to be simple because you don't know better. It's the difference between Ernest Hemingway and a second-grader.

Good news: 90% of missteps can be fixed by walking to the cross.

Bad news: Walking to the cross is one of my 7 steps. They're on to me!

Good news: My following has also improved a ton; either my balance is getting better or I'm getting better at reading a lead and knowing where my foot has to be. I'll take either one!

Bad news: What works for the follower (hip embellishments, let's say) does not always work for the leader. It's okay, you can laugh. I certainly did the last time I caught myself in the mirror with salsa hips. Note to self: just because it's D'Arienzo doesn't mean your ass can be shaking all over.

Good news: My hip embellishments are looking great!

Bad news: My nice shoes are languishing, since it's impossible to switch in and out of them all night long when I'm doing about 50/50 leading and following.

Good news: The arch of my right foot, which had been a little sore following weeks of training in toe-pointing and instep-resting, is feeling much better. Yay breaks!

Bad news: I need leading shoes desperately. I'm leading in little jazz shoes and it's just not feasible.

Good news: A lot of comfortable shoes are suitable for both leading and following!

Bad news: These shoes exist.

Good news: They're out of stock!

Bad news: That means PEOPLE BOUGHT THEM.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Q & A with Planchadora

Since the post I made expressing frustration with public reaction to my leading, things have calmed somewhat. I am still working my hardest to learn, incorporating a few new steps at a time with the old staples, working on my intent and my posture and the comfort of my embrace.

I still do not ask women to dance unless they have make it clear they want to dance with me. And by "make it clear," I don't mean eye contact. I mean they come up and ask, "Can we have a dance later?"

This weekend I went to a milonga, and after a tanda of leading I walked the woman back to her seat. A porteno nearby asked me how long I had been dancing, and I told him I had been leading for two months or so, and started to say something self-deprecating, but stopped when I saw his expression and asked why.

"Because you understand tango," he said. "You really understand."

I tell you this story partly because it's the best tango complement I'm ever going to get, and partly because I'm about to rip into a porteno, and I want to make it clear the general level of respect I have for Bs As-born tango dancers.

SO! In response to my O RLY? post, Dandy, from Buenos Aires, writes:

I am writing from Buenos Aires.
I have a question . What is this abaout leaders and followers?
In the tango dance you have hombres (man) y mujeres (women).
Nothing can change that,is the essence of tango.

My favorite thing about this letter is that it assumes I cannot identify the words "hombres" and "mujeres", and yet understand the article "y".

This is my answer:

Hi Dandy,

Actually, my advice was split into two parts - advice for leaders and advice for followers - based on things I have observed at the milongas in my city. The advice does not relate to gender, but rather to the roles of the dance.

Traditional tango is a man and a woman, obvio. However, the essence of tango to me is two people moving together, attemping to express the sentimientos of tango. The genders of those two people doesn't matter to me.

In Buenos Aires I am sure every man is a tango god, and you especially I am sure, since you have taken the time to write me and correct me. However, where I live, in a milonga full of hombres mierdas, many women are happy to dance with good women leaders.

You are free to have your own opinion on this, but I am a woman who leads and follows, and I see no reason why I should be forbidden to lead just because I am a woman. Anyone who is musical, who can give intent, who can take care of the follower in their arms and navigate the dance floor well, can lead. You may not agree, but I know plenty of followers who do.

Friday, March 16, 2007


I came across a post in a tango discussion board last night. I've decided not to link it because the guy was totally trying to be nice and not trolling anything, so he gets the benefit of the doubt on that one and should not be yelled at for trying to encourage people to be welcoming. However, it did make me bust out with my O RLY? face.

Upshot: Women should stop being so picky. If they choose to dance only with leaders who are better than they are, or the best leaders in the room, then all the beginners and other leads feel left out and might not come back, and in the interest of supporting the community and "paying it back", women should dance more.

O RLY? Let me break out my bag o'punctuation for a nice long snarkfest. **

First: I agree that people should support beginners, absolutely. I was a beginner once, and without R. and the other brave men who endeavored to show me turns, sacadas, and paradas, I'd be discouraged and probably by now I'd be ice dancing instead. In the spirit of paying it back to the tango community, there are beginners I dance with whenever I see them at a milonga, because they are always trying to improve. They'll ask a question about the embrace (between songs), they'll try something new that they've clearly been working on, and if it doesn't quite happen, they'll make it into something they can manage without tripping the follower. They try to listen to the music and dance D'Arienzo differently than Vargas.

Key words above include: trying to improve, clearly been working, manage without tripping, listen to the music. I will fix your fumble if you were trying to make a very musical turn and it didn't quite work out. If you take a side step and don't know how to navigate for a while, it's all right, I'll hang out. (One guy tried this, got boxed in, and after about ten seconds he said, "Uh...artistic pause!" and I cracked up because it was awesome.) I will totally dance with you if this is the case.

Beginners I will not dance with again: Guys who dance every dance exactly the same, inluding milongas (aieeee!). Guys who try out something on you that they just "learned" unsuccessfully in the intermediate class. Guys who try out that same move four times in a row whether or not he can actually do it. Practicas, you guys.

Beginners who ruin it for all the other beginners: Guys who try to use salsa moves on the dance floor when their tango fails them. (Yes, this happened, yes, it was as bad as you think, and I have to tell you, this guy initiated my "I don't care how good you say you are, I'm not dancing with you until I've seen you dance with someone else" rule. I usually shorten it and sound more polite, obviously, but if I don't know you I'm reluctant to be your first dance. I've missed out on one or two leads, but I've avoided about 300 disasters, so I'm okay with the odds.

SALSA, you guys. To DI SARLI. I died inside.)

Unrelated addendum: if you have brought your own follower and can manage to avoid crashing people, you guys can practice your moves over and over. If you're not bocking traffic and not using an unsuspectecting follower as a practice partner, you can do as you please. It looks funny to parade around doing a fancy gancho combination 16 times, but if you're fine with it I'm fine with it.

Guys I won't dance with at all: If you have been dancing for 5 years and you still dance every dance exactly the same. If your tango vocabulary is mostly stage moves. (Nobody wants to see your follower sliding between your legs, dude.) If you teach on the dance floor. If you try to hold me closer to my ass than my shoulder in hopes of copping a feel. If you are a Shoveler. If you clearly never practice and don't know how long it takes the follower to do something, so you link all your fancy tricks together without remembering the laws of physics. (I have been guilty of this myself as a leader, but I figured it out during practica and fixed it way before I went to a milonga and asked someone to dance.) If you show off at the expense of your partners.

I'd argue that tango community service is REFUSING to dance with bad leaders. A complacent leader will never improve and will continue playing grab-ass all over the dance floor for the rest of his life. A leader who isn't getting dances will have to either quit the scene and grab ass someplace else, or improve.

This will significantly cut the risk of Horrified Followeritis, and definitely increase the number of 'Yeses' these guys get. I'm still not sure why they do it.

Yes, leading is extremely difficult. I know that. I'm working on it myself. However, keyword: I am working on it. I practice out of the public eye with friends and in classes, I ask questions and get feedback, I keep it to the steps I know I can lead. I don't ask people to dance yet at milongas, because I'm not good enough. If a friend asks me, I'll be happy to lead, but I'm not presenting myself as a leader yet because I can't expect people to dance with me until I'm better. I expect no less from other leaders.

A follower has nothing to gain from dancing with a leader who is complacently sucky, who is not listening to the music, who grabs her ass, who steps on her toes, who makes her a practice dummy. Why would she say yes?

Now, because my grouch is equal-opportunity: FLIP SIDE!

Followers! Your turn!

Heads up: Just because you are young and skinny doesn't mean you're a good follower. It means you're young and skinny, and good leaders rarely avoid young, skinny partners. You still have to work on your technique. No one looks good with their ankles six inches apart and their feet rolling everywhere. Insteps and ankles, please. This goes for everyone, by the way, not just young, skinny beginners. Everybody! Insteps and ankles!

As regards speed: Long steps are gorgeous. I am a big fan of any lady who steps back with beautiful long steps. However, there's no need to rush. You're not going anywhere. It's a circle! Plus, you're sort of dragging your leader, and it makes the guy look funny when he's running after you.

Also: Posture. It looks lovely to stand up straight - your mom told you, those bat-crazy nuns at the Catholic school told you, and now I'm telling you. Hunching over and leaning your head on his shoulder does not look sad and emotive; it looks like you're falling asleep, or that he punched you in the stomach. Quit defaming your leaders as boring and/or abusive brutes! So mean!

Also also: Every once in a while, dance with a beginner who's trying. If he's really trying, in two years he'll be awesome, and you'll be all, "Oh hi, Awesome," and he'll be like, "Oh hi, Nice Follower, care to dance?" and all the other women will be totally jealous. You wait and see.

** Disclaimer: I am a bastardy grump.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Sad But True

There are times I won't recognize someone's face because I only pay attention from the knees down. It most often goes like this:

[At a milonga. A woman comes up to me.]

Woman: "Hi, Planchadora, how are you?"

[Without any clue who this woman is]

Me: Oh...heeeey there....

[looks down and sees distinctive gold shoes]

Me: ...Joanne!*

This skill also enables me to spot an out-of-towner at 100 paces.

[At a milonga, scanning the floor.]

Me: Those purple shoes - she's not local.

It's done more to spur me into good technique than any lecture could, knowing that people will identify me solely by the way I hold my feet. Aieee!

* Joanne is a name I made up, and is no way intended to reflect on actual Joannes. If you are an actual Joanne reading this, I'm sure your gold shoes are lovely.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Video: Tango Geographic

*narrator voice*

Here, past the wilderness of Patagonia, beyond the arid plains of the Obelisk, lives the most elusive of all creatures: the porteno. Usually glimpsed only in captivity, the porteno is a fabled creature whose full glory is rarely seen.

However, careful study rewards the devoted, and here, an amateur photographer has managed to capture two exquisite specimens in their natural habitat.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Have you been attacked by wild animals?

Everyone's posting about what (and what not) to wear, from Cherie to Debbi to Miss Tango, which is exciting and yet sad, because when people have to mention what you shouldn't wear, I know that wild animals have once again been set free to maul young ladies' hemlines.

"But I want to express myself!" some women cry, clutching their keyhole tops and necktie minikirts. "This is beautiful and fluid! I can only dance in this!"

To this I can only promise you you're expressing something, but it usually just gets you the pearl-clutching "oh my GOD!" kind of reaction, and less "I bet that girl in the skirt made of neckties can really burn up the floor!"

For those still uncertain, I have included some concrete examples.


Attacked by a Wild Animal

Not Attacked by a Wild Animal

Both of these dresses are red, with collarbone-showcasing proprties. However, you'll note that the first one looks as if cougars have shredded it to ribbons, leaving an underskirt that barely covers the undercurve of the backside. Ladies, you don't want to flash people, I PROMISE. No matter what Claire Anderson told you in fifth grade, flashing people is not cool. The second dress is slightly more conservative, but still beautiful, and with this one you can wear a bra! I know, I know, it's crazy talk, but dammit, it just might work!


Attacked by a Wild Animal

Not Attacked by a Wild Animal

The first dress is not quite as bad as it could be, but the material looks deeply uncomfortable, as if this woman is somehow playing the Mother of the Bride in a tango show and they wanted to come up with an Argentine version of an organza bolero jacket. And by Mother, I mean Hootchie-Mama mother, because that slit goes up to what I desperately hope are some underpants. At least she knows it's a little much and has tried to cover it up with a shower curtain. It's still a little small, though; maybe she could have avoided that little gauntlet sleeve and just used the extra material to finish it off.

Meanwhile, the second dress is matte cotton jersey (the only material I wear to dance in, because it's pretty and your skin can breathe and you're not all confined and GOOD LORD how do women dance in satin I'll never understand it), and it's classy enough that you can wear it to tango and outside tango, like on dates or other things people do in the real world when they're not dancing tango. I don't know what those things are anymore.

And double bonus - even the asymmetric part is still thick enough that you can sneak a black bra strap under there and no one will ever know! Who knows what genius designed a dress you can wear a bra in? Who knows why so many women decide to forego said bra while they're dancing, even if maybe they shouldn't? The world is full of mystery.

What I do know is that this dress is so hot I just ordered it for myself.

I hope that this helps, indecisive tangueras! I'm sure it did. I know that now I never have to see the remains of an animal attack ever again.

Except that I'm going dancing tonight, so I guess it's not a matter of "if" and more a matter of "how many".

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

It's like Batman!

If Batman danced tango. In four-inch heels. (Metaphor, you win again!)

I'm sitting at my office, my backpack tucked under my desk behind me, and I can feel my tango shoes radiating with Hypnotoad sounds. It's hilarious, because I keep looking around as if the shoe police is going to come after me asking what I'm doing with fantastic stilettos in my bag and orthopedic loafers on my feet.

Yeah, I have orthopedic loafers. Wore them before tango, and it makes sense now more than ever. Sure, I look like a second-grade teacher, but I wear them with pride! And striped socks.

But there's something awesome about a hidden life, Batman-style, even if I'm dispensing ochos instead of justice. I almost wish that the Buenos Aires idea of afternoon milongas would penetrate North America. It would be fantastic to break for lunch at 2pm, run out of my office, and dance for an hour, only to show up at my office again with one sock missing or something. I'd be more grist for the rumor mill than already exists!

(I bring entire changes of clothes, a Dopp kit, and extra shoes to work now. God only knows what everyone's thinking when I pick up my overnight bag every night and head out the door.

Hopefully something really awesome involving Goran Visnjic, whom I love even though he has better hair than I do.)

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Video of the Week: Ney Melo and Jennifer Bratt (again)

I couldn't help it, though! Look at them! They're so gorgeous!

It says that the video is a demo; my only thought is that it's a demo of being awesome, but I'll welcome any votes on what particular move/musicality/technique they might be demonstrating. My brain is still fried from watching her feet.

Monday, March 05, 2007

The Tangocoaster Strikes Again.

Further adventures of the tangocoaster.

I've spent two weeks wondering if I was ever again going to have a tanda that didn't end in me wanting to stab myself in the face. It was never good enough - not the right posture, ankles not close enough, steps not long enough, missed a lead.

Friday I went out, in defiance of all laws of averages and declining returns. I was keeping friends company and had no desire whatsoever to dance; my only hope was to sit quietly all night in pretty shoes and try to learn a little by watching people who could actually dance.

Tangocoaster: 1001.
Me: 0.

The first few hours of the night went pretty much according to plan, until a friend of mine asked me to dance. It's hit or miss with him, and I was absolutely predicting a miss, but it's hard to decline since he's such a sweetie, so off we went.

It was really nice. He's taking lessons or something, because the embrace was solid and the intent was clear, and I even managed to relax enough to throw in a few little embellishments. I never would have thought it would go so well, and two tandas later when I thanked him, I was beaming.

Tangocoaster: 1001.
Me: 6.

I sat for a while longer, and declined a couple of leaders (one of them is a Dancefloor Instructor, and the other is a Shoveler), happy just to watch and know that my one tanda looked really good.

Then I got asked again for a really well-crafted tanda by one of my favorite partners, and it was two songs of glee. Every step was right, his musicality was a cut above, his lead was sure but not shoveling.

Tangocoaster: 301.
Me: 706!

After two tandas, I thanked him and walked back to my chair, where my teacher was waiting.

"You've got to do something about your shoulder," she said.

Tangocoaster: 1006.
Me: 0.