Friday, August 17, 2007

With Wolves, I Say!

I have found another charming gentleman in the tango blogosphere. "Milongas/No hay luz/Ask Aleandro" (yes, that's the actual title) features, among other things, Ask Aleandro, where Neil's alter-ego Aleandro answers tango questions "from readers". Except, he sort of doesn't answer them at all.

Why do women want to lead?
Sampson, a strong man with long hair

Dear Sampson,
If she chooses to dance with women that's up to her. But for me, it's better to dance with wolves than to dance with a woman who leads other women.
I'm old fashioned . . . like an Old World Gentleman . . . like a Milonguero from Buenos Aires.
Be careful. Don't let your guard down or fall asleep. She may cut your hair or other parts of your body that keep you strong.

Okay, a few things.

1) The English major in me is totally stressed out that he didn't answer the question. Address the topic! Your "reader" wants to know about the motivation, not your aversion! It's like Composition 101 over here! Gah!

2) Dude has a castration thing going on that I don't really understand. Ew.

3) I am going to start using the "dance with wolves" thing everywhere I go, in all situations. It's priceless.

"Planchadora, would you like a second helping of potatoes?"
"I would rather dance with wolves than eat more of your potatoes!"

"You should come out with us!"
"I would rather dance with wolves than stay up significantly past my regular bedtime!"

"Welcome to Macy's! What can I help you with today?"
"I would rather dance with wolves than wear your casual career clothing!"

(This all must be said in Bombastic Renaissance Faire Nobleman Voice, obviously.)

ETA: I'm seriously practicing it. "I would rathah dahnce with WOOOOOLVES than wear your causal careeah clothing!"

ETA 2: The one pointed out in the comments is even funnier. These are the fakest "readers" in the land.


Anonymous said...

Oh my, Planch... excellent! You sparked my curiosity and went on to see another question on the blog... this one is also kindda weird... seriously. If I go to a practica, I want to improve, and I want the feedback. We should all be grown up enough to take it... it is implicit, and as long as the feedback is provided caringly and politely, I don't see what the big deal is. Or am I missing something here???


Ask Aleandro - Discouraging Words?
Dear Aleandro,
I went to a practica and I didn't like the way the man was holding me so I told him so. Did I do the right thing?
PS. He was a stranger dressed in black.
Ms Lu Lu

Dear Ms Lu Lu, Never offer unsolicited criticism to anyone who is a stranger to you especially if he is in black even if it is a practica and you think he needs it and you think your advice would be helpful for him. No one wants to hear discouraging words.
You don't want to be rude to a guest. If you don't like the way he holds you, say "Thank you" and sit down. That's all you should say and that said is hurtful enough.

La Planchadora said...

Hahah! Okay, I'm telling you, these questions are sent in "by readers". The fakest, fakest readers in the land.

Tina said...

I'm irritated with the spelling of "Aleandro".

He's weird.

caroline said...

Is this man so weak that he thinks women who lead may cause him to lose parts of his body that make him strong? Talk about lack of cajones.

I had a good laugh reading his "advice" column. How can anyone take him seriously?

Anonymous said...

He's a moron. I avoid all eye contact with him and would spit on him if he ever asked me to dance again. His phony advice column is a passive-aggressive way to air his frustrations towards women who wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire. Bravo, Planch!

Nikos said...

Glad to see you all have a sense of humor!
PS. The incorrect spelling is correct ... not to offend any of the real "Aleandros" in the world.
I AM glad that I don't have to dance with women who wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. What a great flaming post!